Would you wear these?

Listen. I am from Detroit. And you know how we do when it comes to our gators. Now, I love gators just as much as anybody else from where it gets cold enough to literally freeze your tongue off in January -- you know, cities like Detroit, the Chi and Cleveland immediately come to mind; they're also known for their gator repertoire, too.

There are levels to this gator shit. I mean. Biggie did rap about 'stank pank' gators, right? And usually, that means pink cotton candy colored gators to match the pastel pink suit, mkay? I digress ... But this ... I draw the line at this foolishness.

I have worn snakeskin, eel and all kinds of reptiles (come for me, PETA, and trust you will get molly whopped with a mink-covered fist). But I will be damned if I wear a baby crocodile with waving legs with a sole and some shoe laces on my damn feet. 

I am so confused. Did they forget there was a dead alligator with teeth and a tail  ... on their foot? 

That gator life ain't for er'ybody. They don't set you back a mortgage payment -- or two -- for this nonsense. But y'all can have this foolishness right here. This is NOT Detroit gator approved. This is not what Biggie meant.

I. Can't!