Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Where yo edges, Rachel?


Rachel Dolezal out here snatching ENTIRE hairlines for a living -- kitchens, edges and fo-heads. Because I promise you, I can't spot nah hair. Not nah on her head. WHERE?? Am I lying? Cause I promise you, her hairline STARTS in the middle of her dayum head. Seriously. How does this even happen?





With no dayum edges, Dolezal headlined the NaturallyIsis Natural Hair Parade & Festival in Texas last week.

FOR WHY??? This heffa is bout as Black as a box of Bisquick and apparently, y'all dont want edges, either. Look. I get the publicity, I truly do.

But there were no Black braiders with intact edges available that day? Wasn't nobody with an edge in sight? I mean. One look at her edges and this should have been settled. Luh you, but we ain't inviting you, ma'am. Because you have NO EDGES!

There is nothing else to discuss. You get no argument from me. She don't need edge control - because she has NONE! She don't need to lay baby hair down, because she has NONE!

Jesus can't bring her edges back. Rach out here chasing edges away like she's Usain Bolt and y'all OK with that? Rachel out here asking Alex where her edges are for $200 -- and we're OK with that? Do we not think edges are important? I am so dayum confused. What and the actual hell is her hair holding onto? Does she have alopecia? What and the fresh hell is going on here? Her and Stevie BOTH need an intervention and a sit down, because I still can't figure out what Rachel or Stevie's joints holding onto their scalp for dear life with.


Repaste for Rachel's edges


I know I am not the only one concerned for Rachel's lack of  edges. Kareen Abdul Jamar got more hair than Rachel. Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley's shiny fo-head combined. Even Michelle N'gdocello. At this point, the wake for Rachel's edges is at 2 p.m. this Friday.

I'mma throw on my good black suit and heels, I'm bringing tata salad and greens for the family, and Wild Root Oil, Hair, Skin and Nails, Dr. Miracle to try to get those mugs to grow the hell back. Them edges will have their own hearst and funeral program. Fantasia is going to be the soloist.

I'mma start a gofund me and maybe we can grow her some edges or at least buy some at the beauty supply sto...But who letting Rachel braid her hair? You're smoking crack and meth if you think she is putting her two hands near my hair to braid it.

Chile ... Listen. I told y'all more than a year ago that Rachel would have a hair line, sell some weave, or something. And dammit if I wasn't right - Rachel who really wanna be Rakia and is Blacker than me is schlepping everything from weaves to box braids.And we're lapping it up like it's the cold leftover milk in a bowl of Frosted Flakes and Rachel is Tony the Tiger.

I can't. This is some fuckery and y'all know it. If she can't keep the cornsilk together on her head, what does she need to have her hair up in my fro for? But keep on letting Rachel play in y'all heads and giving her props for the appropriation and acting like it's cool tho.






Kap's fro tho

We already know Colin Kapernick is not here for any of the national anthem. But we are here for his fro, which is so epic that it has spawned the #kapsoblack hashtag.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Thursday, August 18, 2016

Omarosa's brows went LEFT

It is damn near 2017. And besides the fact that Orange Glo, ashy ass Donald Trump is still running for the highest office of the land, I don't wanna talk about any of that: What and the actual fuck is up with Omarosa's brows?

I have sooooo many questions. WHO in the name od Sweet Baby Black Jesus with the mink lashes did this?

And why the hell does it look like her brows are running from each other? Like one of them mugs is a cheesing Usain Bolt going for the gold in Rio and the other is that other struggle dude running next to no him that no remembers?

Do her brows not like each other? Are they beefing? Is one of them a Trump supporter and the other an HRC supporter and they're fighting on her face? These are things I need to know.

Now, I noticed her brows in an article on mediatite.com in which she says every Trump critic "will have to bow down."

Uhhh... ma'am. The only thing that needs to bow down is your brows. See. This is what happens when you publicly endorse and stump for your former boss on "The Apprentice" and you are appointed his Black ass representative and are paid a by the negro fee for every Black person who votes for Trump.

I promise you, I can't. I mean. Me? I need to fill some brows at this very moment. Like right now. Because hypothyroidism is a a beast on my brows.

Omarosa needs to fire her brow lady tho. They did her DIRTY. She don't like you. She's a Hillary supporter. 

She ain't your friend.

Now, 'Ro Ro you know there are too many brow options in 2016 to go outchere looking like this.

Chics got whole apostrophes painted on their eye regions.And Ro Ro out here with brows looking like whut?

This is why I don't trust you, Omarosa: Those brows.

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Angela Bassett looks GREAT

Angela Bassett is 58. Now let that sink in. Because MELANIN.

Lemme start praying to sweet Baby Black Jesus with the cocoa skin.

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Gabby Douglas gets dragged for her edges

It may be 2016, but I see Black women are still getting dragged for being BLACK women.

And those doing the dragging are BLACK women -- and some of them have natural hair. I promise you: Gabby Douglas is a professional athlete who cares about winning more than her edges curling up. 

And while simple mofos try to drag her hair and her edges for being Black, she will have enough coins to buy edges for e'ry damn body.

Edges curling up are what happens to Black hair when you sweat. Stop being basic! I mean. Can we be better than this, please? Wasn't the dragging back in 2013 for her ponytail enough? 

We still have not learned.






I CANNOT

It may be 2016, but I see Black women are still getting dragged for being BLACK women.

And those doing the dragging are BLACK women -- and some of them have natural hair. I promise you: Gabby Douglas is a professional athlete who cares about winning more than her edges curling up. And while simple mofos try to drag her hair and her edges for being Black, she will have enough coins to buy edges for e'ry damn body.

Edges curling up are what happens to Black hair when you sweat. Stop being basic! I mean. Can we be better than this, please? Wasn't the dragging back in 2013 for her ponytail enough?

We still have not learned.