Thursday, December 29, 2016
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
I am not really sure what's going on here. But while filming Ocean's 8 in NYC, actress Sarah Paulson grabbed Rihanna's faux loc.
Chile ...maybe it's for a scene in the film. Rihanna's face tho? NONE of this will be good.
Now had I been sitting near them, I woulda got my pocketbook and got right the hell up.
Cause somebody 'bout to get dragged.
Lemme put some of y'all up on game right quick: I don't care if she is wearing a weave down to her ass, is rocking a headful of thick, luscious curls or has a teeny weeny afro, do NOT ever touch a Black woman's hair without her permission.
If you've ever thought about it, wondered what our hair feels like or are just hair curious, just don't do it without permission. Don't try to cop a hair feel on the low; it's called CONSENT.
ASK. And don't be in your feelings if you get a 'heeeelllll nawl' as a response. Trust me. This is not a circus or a petting zoo -- and it is HER body.
Hair is sacred -- so much so that many of us were raised to carefully and properly discard shed hair.
So you can only imagine how we are about the hair that grows from our scalp. We are sensitive AF and play no dayum games about it.
If you've even thought about it, please refer to my first sentence. I will not be responsible for the ass whuppins that might happen as a result. Do it and you might draw back a nub so ....
Alright. You have been warned.
Tuesday, September 6, 2016
Rachel Dolezal out here snatching ENTIRE hairlines for a living -- kitchens, edges and fo-heads. Because I promise you, I can't spot nah hair. Not nah on her head. WHERE?? Am I lying? Cause I promise you, her hairline STARTS in the middle of her dayum head. Seriously. How does this even happen?
With no dayum edges, Dolezal headlined the NaturallyIsis Natural Hair Parade & Festival in Texas last week.
FOR WHY??? This heffa is bout as Black as a box of Bisquick and apparently, y'all dont want edges, either. Look. I get the publicity, I truly do.
But there were no Black braiders with intact edges available that day? Wasn't nobody with an edge in sight? I mean. One look at her edges and this should have been settled. Luh you, but we ain't inviting you, ma'am. Because you have NO EDGES!
There is nothing else to discuss. You get no argument from me. She don't need edge control - because she has NONE! She don't need to lay baby hair down, because she has NONE!
Jesus can't bring her edges back. Rach out here chasing edges away like she's Usain Bolt and y'all OK with that? Rachel out here asking Alex where her edges are for $200 -- and we're OK with that? Do we not think edges are important? I am so dayum confused. What and the actual hell is her hair holding onto? Does she have alopecia? What and the fresh hell is going on here? Her and Stevie BOTH need an intervention and a sit down, because I still can't figure out what Rachel or Stevie's joints holding onto their scalp for dear life with.
Repaste for Rachel's edges
I know I am not the only one concerned for Rachel's lack of edges. Kareen Abdul Jamar got more hair than Rachel. Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley's shiny fo-head combined. Even Michelle N'gdocello. At this point, the wake for Rachel's edges is at 2 p.m. this Friday.
I'mma throw on my good black suit and heels, I'm bringing tata salad and greens for the family, and Wild Root Oil, Hair, Skin and Nails, Dr. Miracle to try to get those mugs to grow the hell back. Them edges will have their own hearst and funeral program. Fantasia is going to be the soloist.
I'mma start a gofund me and maybe we can grow her some edges or at least buy some at the beauty supply sto...But who letting Rachel braid her hair? You're smoking crack and meth if you think she is putting her two hands near my hair to braid it.
Chile ... Listen. I told y'all more than a year ago that Rachel would have a hair line, sell some weave, or something. And dammit if I wasn't right - Rachel who really wanna be Rakia and is Blacker than me is schlepping everything from weaves to box braids.And we're lapping it up like it's the cold leftover milk in a bowl of Frosted Flakes and Rachel is Tony the Tiger.
I can't. This is some fuckery and y'all know it. If she can't keep the cornsilk together on her head, what does she need to have her hair up in my fro for? But keep on letting Rachel play in y'all heads and giving her props for the appropriation and acting like it's cool tho.
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
Thursday, August 18, 2016
It is damn near 2017. And besides the fact that Orange Glo, ashy ass Donald Trump is still running for the highest office of the land, I don't wanna talk about any of that: What and the actual fuck is up with Omarosa's brows?
I have sooooo many questions. WHO in the name od Sweet Baby Black Jesus with the mink lashes did this?
And why the hell does it look like her brows are running from each other? Like one of them mugs is a cheesing Usain Bolt going for the gold in Rio and the other is that other struggle dude running next to no him that no remembers?
Do her brows not like each other? Are they beefing? Is one of them a Trump supporter and the other an HRC supporter and they're fighting on her face? These are things I need to know.
Now, I noticed her brows in an article on mediatite.com in which she says every Trump critic "will have to bow down."
Uhhh... ma'am. The only thing that needs to bow down is your brows. See. This is what happens when you publicly endorse and stump for your former boss on "The Apprentice" and you are appointed his Black ass representative and are paid a by the negro fee for every Black person who votes for Trump.
I promise you, I can't. I mean. Me? I need to fill some brows at this very moment. Like right now. Because hypothyroidism is a a beast on my brows.
Omarosa needs to fire her brow lady tho. They did her DIRTY. She don't like you. She's a Hillary supporter.
She ain't your friend.
Now, 'Ro Ro you know there are too many brow options in 2016 to go outchere looking like this.
Chics got whole apostrophes painted on their eye regions.And Ro Ro out here with brows looking like whut?
This is why I don't trust you, Omarosa: Those brows.
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
Tuesday, August 9, 2016
And while simple mofos try to drag her hair and her edges for being Black, she will have enough coins to buy edges for e'ry damn body.
We still have not learned.
Wednesday, July 6, 2016
There is power in calling things as they are. And all I see is a man who will not get to see his kids grow up. Who was removed by force from his family. A 15-year-old who needs his father more than ever. But the state of Louisiana handled that situation for him.
I'm tired of the platitudes. The memes. The tragedy spreading like wildfire across my social media newsfeeds. We post. We march. We pray. And this shit happens all over again. Wash, rinse and repeat. I mean.
What is the plan, y'all? And why do we even have to keep asking this question? Why do we have to keep asking police not to kill us with no retribution, no punishment, just a slap on the wrist. Black
people in this country are killed for sport -- and we stay losing.
Our souls are being hunted. And we cannot even rest from the grave. Inextricably, we will see images of Alton's murder splashed across social media and newscasts. I am not ready. I can't. Not yet. Mentally, I am not ready to go there. I can't watch. Do the details even matter though?
I'm not going to bother to repeat them here; look them up. All you need to know is that another Black man is dead. And I am ready to scream, cry and hug my children even tighter.
This made my little Black heart smile. Ciara is a beautiful bride. Congrats to the happy couple. I hope they have a lot of babies. Black love. If no one else won't love us, we still will.
Monday, May 16, 2016
Sunday, May 15, 2016
Sunday, March 27, 2016
Because this is certainly not what he meant. This is what he gave his earthly son up for? He knows that even his son, Jesus, the prince of peace, cannot intercede.
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
But some of y'all did not get the Black Woman Sign Language memo... Ummm... yes, there is such a thing. What? You didn't know? Anybody who has lived, loved or been around Black women should know this.
But ... clearly, some of y'all didn't or don't know. But you gone learn today. So don't ever say I have never told you anything.
Because I just might have saved you an ass whooping. Because, really. It's ALL about the nuances. And there are subtle differences that, if you don't know Black women or are not around us a lot, you might miss some of these cues.
But for the uninitiated or unaware, here's a quick and dirty:
- If it involves hand clapping at every syllable as a form of enunciation, some shit is about to go down and somebody is about to get their ass whupped. Example" I *clap* told *clap* you *clap* to *clap* get *clap* back *clap.
- If it involves hands on the hips, cocking that head back to the side, Black girl side eye or finger pointing or waving hands in the air ... chile ... you need to duck. Because this is a clear sign that it's beyond the point of no return. And hands are about to be thrown and you might just be about to catch one.
- If it involves elevated voices. We are only going to argue for so long. If you hear non-work voices and tones, watch out. The moment you hear, 'Bih, whet?' It's going down. Get ready. We are not gonna risk our 9-5 and our checks. But asses will be beat come 5 p.m. off work property, believe that.
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
Thursday, March 17, 2016
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
Read and weep: Actress Elise Neal is 50. Let that sink in. Repeat. Elise Neal is 50.
But ummm ... I gots some work to do. How can I be down? Listen ... I don't need to be Elise. But close as possible would not hurt, just saying. LOL. I don't care if I have to Zumba, sell these skinny wraps or whatever, I need to look good at 50.
I mean. We usually geek out over Angela Bassett, who looks great. But Elise is sneaky and done change the entire game. Now I know some of y'all might be thinking Elise who? She was the co-star on the D.L. Hughley show which ran back in the early 2000s. And she had was on R&B Divas Hollywood in recent years and did a few parts in B movies over the years.
But I betchu you know who she is now. This is what 50 looks like folks. That melanin tho!
Friday, March 11, 2016
Sunday, March 6, 2016
Friday, February 26, 2016
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
Who takes a passport picture like this? How, Prince? How?
The smoky eye tho and lined lower lids. YES, Gawd! Ba-BaY! That face is lit tho!
This pic just gave me all kinds of life. How you just gone change the passport game up like that, Prince? He looks so damn unbothered yet slays at the same dayum time. That pouty lip with a hint of gloss. I can't! My Lord.
Listen... you do not want to see my passport pic. A HAWT mess. I will never compare.
And this is absolutely the Blackest passport photo -- EVER!!
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Lawd. Folks stay reaching. Donna Gault is 33 and her daughter Mya is pictured above.
"Not only do they look alike, but they dress alike, hang out together and say they are always getting mistaken for sisters!" a blog on the ITV site says.
Of course, Black Twitter went in. They weren't hearing any of it. And I don't blame them. Lesson learned: You can't outdo melanin.
Monday, February 15, 2016
Friday, February 12, 2016
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Idris Elba has reportedly split from his long-time girlfriend and mother of his child, makeup artist Naiyana Garth.
Chiiiiiilllle ... y'all single ladies just got your ENTIRE lives. Elba, 43, has a 22-month old son, but has moved out of the family home, according to The Sun.
No word if it's just a rumor, but ladies across the globe right now are thanking sweet Black Baby Jesus, know there is a God, and are delivered, honey ....
Chiiillle... they don't know what to do, because hunty, Idris thirst is REAL!! I'mm need yawl single ladies to get your squads up. .You might have to fight supermodel Naomi Campbell, tho, because reportedly the two are dating. You know she crazy, so get ready.
A source told the publication: "It ended very recently and it's too soon for her to talk about it.
"They've kept it very quiet so she's surprised people know already."
Monday, February 8, 2016
U.S. Navy veteran Rover Bentley (you know good and the hell well his momma ain't named him that) is asking folks to donate a lil sumthing to his GoFund Me page to raise money to help him go to the Beyoncé concert ...
Lawd, I can't.
I mean: The Beyhive goes so damn hard in the paint (this is the last Beyoncé post, I swear, unless she does something else epic). But I need for some of y'all to chill the hell down and get your coins all the way together for this Formation Tour.
First, Cinnamon, Nutmeg, Peaches or whatever she said her name was, used GoFundMe to ask for help to pay her bills after she blew her budget on Powerball tickets (Girl, Bye!). Now, this negro is asking for folks to pass the collection plate on GoFundMe (Boy, BYE!).
Jesus, be a fence.
Listen ... if y'all don't get your rusty behinds together and work overtime, sell blood plasma or take those doggone surveys at the mall, do whatever you gotta do to get your Yonce tickets. Just don't get on GoFundMe asking random folks to fund your foolishness.
This is not what Rev. Jesse Jackson meant by 'Keep Hope Alive.' This is not what GoFundme meant, either. Go fund the Flint water crisis or some water and lead kits - they need your help. Pay for some treatments for kids battling cancer. Hell, go fund a college student who can't afford to stay in school next semester.
Listen .. we know anything that Bey and Jay do is gonna be a grip ... The first date isn't until March -- a few weeks to get your ish all the way together. It's income tax season and everything ... you betta save up, do what you gotta do if you want to see Bey. It's that simple.
Bentley, Jaguar, Maserati or whoever is trying to fund Bey's May 1 tour in ATL. Bruh! You got the whole spring to get your coins up. But he's still talking bout:
Listen .... who? You signed up to dedicate your life to this country, not to no damn Beyoncé. And who calls Beyoncé by a hashtag anyway? No, sir. That is now how any of this works. I don't care if you did 50-11 tours. That's what you signed up for - not so that I can give my hard earned to a vet who wants to go to see Beyoncé. This is false equivalency at its finest.
Sunday, February 7, 2016
And why the hell NOT? She has massive popularity. We like her. And we just know she'd pass out mini bottles of hot sauce from her bag instead of bumper stickers and lawn signs at her campaign rallies.
We'd stand in Formation, ready to SLAY!!! Chile...I can see it now. This whole election thing is a wrap!! Bey for president!
Bey's epic Super Bowl performance
But did you see her tho? With that MJ-inspired outfit? Yaaasss!! WERK!! It was so nice of Beyoncé to have the SuperBowl at her concert. Because she just did the dayum thang. This just after she dropped that Formation single and video AND announced a 50-city world tour. Beysus!
And her all-lady dance tour looking like Black Panthers and on the 50th anniversary of their founding no less -- all strong, Black and proud, fists raised and all with natural hair. So proud. And I got my entire life. And got my edges snatched back. Who cared if she almost fell on stage (and levitated on that biotch).
What it was: An unapologetic, I don't give a damn, appreciation for Black beauty in all its forms. It was #Blackgirlmagic. And I'm here for all of it.
Ma'ams and Sirs: I just need to know where I can cast my ballot. Umm ... can we make Bruno her VP tho?
I can't take all the credit. H/T Liz Nesoff for this gem.