Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Where yo edges, Rachel?

Rachel Dolezal out here snatching ENTIRE hairlines for a living -- kitchens, edges and fo-heads. Because I promise you, I can't spot nah hair. Not nah on her head. WHERE?? Am I lying? Cause I promise you, her hairline STARTS in the middle of her dayum head. Seriously. How does this even happen?

With no dayum edges, Dolezal headlined the NaturallyIsis Natural Hair Parade & Festival in Texas last week.

FOR WHY??? This heffa is bout as Black as a box of Bisquick and apparently, y'all dont want edges, either. Look. I get the publicity, I truly do.

But there were no Black braiders with intact edges available that day? Wasn't nobody with an edge in sight? I mean. One look at her edges and this should have been settled. Luh you, but we ain't inviting you, ma'am. Because you have NO EDGES!

There is nothing else to discuss. You get no argument from me. She don't need edge control - because she has NONE! She don't need to lay baby hair down, because she has NONE!

Jesus can't bring her edges back. Rach out here chasing edges away like she's Usain Bolt and y'all OK with that? Rachel out here asking Alex where her edges are for $200 -- and we're OK with that? Do we not think edges are important? I am so dayum confused. What and the actual hell is her hair holding onto? Does she have alopecia? What and the fresh hell is going on here? Her and Stevie BOTH need an intervention and a sit down, because I still can't figure out what Rachel or Stevie's joints holding onto their scalp for dear life with.

Repaste for Rachel's edges

I know I am not the only one concerned for Rachel's lack of  edges. Kareen Abdul Jamar got more hair than Rachel. Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley's shiny fo-head combined. Even Michelle N'gdocello. At this point, the wake for Rachel's edges is at 2 p.m. this Friday.

I'mma throw on my good black suit and heels, I'm bringing tata salad and greens for the family, and Wild Root Oil, Hair, Skin and Nails, Dr. Miracle to try to get those mugs to grow the hell back. Them edges will have their own hearst and funeral program. Fantasia is going to be the soloist.

I'mma start a gofund me and maybe we can grow her some edges or at least buy some at the beauty supply sto...But who letting Rachel braid her hair? You're smoking crack and meth if you think she is putting her two hands near my hair to braid it.

Chile ... Listen. I told y'all more than a year ago that Rachel would have a hair line, sell some weave, or something. And dammit if I wasn't right - Rachel who really wanna be Rakia and is Blacker than me is schlepping everything from weaves to box braids.And we're lapping it up like it's the cold leftover milk in a bowl of Frosted Flakes and Rachel is Tony the Tiger.

I can't. This is some fuckery and y'all know it. If she can't keep the cornsilk together on her head, what does she need to have her hair up in my fro for? But keep on letting Rachel play in y'all heads and giving her props for the appropriation and acting like it's cool tho.

Kap's fro tho

We already know Colin Kapernick is not here for any of the national anthem. But we are here for his fro, which is so epic that it has spawned the #kapsoblack hashtag.