HairTroversy: It's Time to Bury "Good" Hair

By Tenisha Mercer

T-shirt spoofs on the term "good" hair

Although more women of color are embracing their natural hair, I think it's time to hold a funeral procession for the term "good hair" as it relates to hair texture.  It's a term that just won't go away, and I wish it would. We just need to bury "good hair" and pray that it won't resurrect itself.

Not to get all political, but "good" hair has had a long shelf life in the Black community and usually is related to how straight a person's hair texture is. The wording and meaning is clear: "Good" hair is straight hair; "bad" hair is kinky, "coarse" or highly textured hair.  The straighter (i.e. closer to Caucasian hair, the better. The thicker (i.e. closer to African hair, the worse).

And for generations, folks have used the term like a weapon. Having so-called "bad" hair wasn't ideal; "good" or straight hair was the ultimate standard for many.  If we couldn't press our hair to get it, we got perms to try our best to achieve it.

We carried that "good" hair mess like it was a badge of honor: Playground and schoolyard fights happene because of it; family members wielded it to crush self esteems of those who didn't have good hair, and put family members who had "good" hair on a hair pedestal.

We All Have "Good" Hair

Maybe I thought that with the growing amount of women going natural, that we'd stop using the term. But I've heard the words used a few times in conversation over the past few months, usually  usually when someone is referring to their own hair as in, "I got that good hair." Or something like that. I'm not the one to chastise folks on how they choose to categorize their hair. It's their hair, who cares?

But I swear, the next time I hear "good" and "hair" mentioned in a sentence, I'm going to go off! Every time it catches me by surprise, as in "I know she didn't just say "good hair." I liken it to hearing a racial slur or something that's racially offensive: You hear it and you may or may not know how to react.

For naturals, I'd say that "good" hair is a slur: It totally wipes out all of our efforts to appreciate our natural kinks and curls, no matter their texture. I'm done ignoring the word.  Let's define our  hair by our own terms -- we ALL have "good" hair.

Obviously, if it's 2012 and we're still having this discussion, the old "good" hair is something that continues, and we haven't gotten over it.

My Response

Next time, these two words come up, my response will be this:

"What did you say? Good hair. My great grandmother used to say that. Good hair is healthy hair. It doesn't mean texture. ALL healthy hair is good hair."

What do you think when you hear the term "good hair"?

When Your Natural Hair is the Topic of Discussion at Thanksgiving

By Tenisha Mercer

It's almost Thanksgiving ... time to spend family time at the dinner table with family and friends who may or may not love our natural hair. 

As a natural, it really can be a challenging time, especially if your hair is the subject of conversation at the dinner table. Thanksgiving can really leave us feeling some sort of way. That time when all of your family is gathered around, just waiting to give you their opinion about your hair. As if you asked!

And don't let you have done something major to your hair, such as a big chop, TWA or wearing your hair natural for the first time.

Handling Natural Hair Commentary

How family acts depends on a lot of things (if they are receptive to natural hair, if they are anti-natural or a combination, and whether your family feels compelled to tell YOU how they think YOU should should wear YOUR hair).

Humph!

I always find that if you turn the question back on folks, most back down. And I'm all about the snarky  -- not being rude, but getting your point across. They might be your elders, but they need to stay the hell out of your head!

And of course, turning the questions around to them and their (probably jacked up) hair practices always helps. That, and being positive about your curls always seems to deflate negative natural hair comments.

Don't let Grandma make you feel like your natural hair doesn't belong at the dinner table. But, recognize she may be from a different era  ... and now it's time to school her! But you know there are always some special cases that require special attention.

No matter what Big Momma and Aunt Edna have to say about yo' natural hair, here are a few good comebacks.

Aunt Edna: What did you do to all of that long, pretty hair?
You: It's still pretty, Aunt Edna. It's just shorter. Don't you just love it?

Aunt Edna: When are you going to perm your  hair? You really need it!
You: When you stop wearing your wig. I LOVE my Natural hair, that God gave me. I don't "need" a perm. I need my natural hair. Are you saying that God made a mistake with my hair?

Aunt Edna: I wish you would do something to your hair. It's so nappy! You used to have good hair!
You: I do something to my hair every day and my hair is nappy and happy. I love my naps. No one has hair just like me. Every coil and kink is different. There is no such thing as "good" hair. Good hair is healthy hair, and my hair is  healthy. But I see you have some thinning from relaxers. What are you going to do about it?

How do you think your natural hair will be perceived at Thanksgiving? What are your comeback?

HairCrush Friday

By Tenisha Mercer

The best natural hair pics online, from various sources on Pinterest. If you're not already following HairNista on Pinterest, make sure you follow us here.





Love this cut. Source

 

Me in a top knot. Source

Beautiful makeup and skin Source



Curls for DAYS Source




 

Hair And Election Day

By Tenisha Mercer

As we hash over politics, polls, pundits and predictions, I thought I'd showcase some hair pics on election day on Instagram.

Beyonce is making waves online with her blunt cut bangs. Meh. Everything Bey does is covered non-stop. Expect plenty of folks to rock this look. When Mrs. Bey wears her own hair (this looks like a weave, call me).

Beyonce and her blunt cut bangs at the ballot - Source


 

Tracee Ellis Ross - Source

Oh, yeah, my president is BLACK!

Are Naturals Who Use Heat Any Less 'Natural'?

By Tenisha Mercer

Fresh from a week-old Dominican blowout, reading the comments about an article on BGLH.com about the benefits of heat training natural hair has got me fired up!

Especially this comment from a few posters on BGLH.

Maybe I'm taking it too personally. But what really irritates me is all the people who say that "heat trained" naturals aren't naturals. Huh? Come again? And that we should just go get a relaxer since we choose to straighten our natural hair.

What is Heat Training, Anyway?

First, I think we should ban the terms "heat trained" and "heat damaged." It's a misnomer. Just because you use heat doesn't mean that your hair is damaged. Trained means that your hair needs to be "obedient." Sure, some may see straightening as a form of obedience. It's not for me; it's another option for verstaile hair.

Using heat and "heat training" are two very different things.

Secondly, I don't see why we get our panties in a knot when it comes to who is more natural than the other. Let me be clear: I wore flat ironed hair/pressed hair exclusively from 1996 to 2006. Rarely wore it curly, with the exception of a curly ponytail. Since 2008, I've worn my hair exclusively curly -- with the occasional blowout, of course.


The Natural Po Pos Are At It Again

That doesn't make me any more natural than anyone else. I was no more "natural" then than I am now. There's this jockeying about who is more natural in the natural community that absolutely disgusts me.

Colored hair? You are not natural! You wear blow dried hair? You're not natura!  I'm so tired of the natural police with their rules and sweeping generalizations. Please, please, please! Can we all just do what works for OUR hair without making others feel like their hair is less natural because of it?

This is what relaxed women dislike about naturals,  and I can see why... it's that looking down on a fellow natural because of how they choose to wear THEIR hair.

If you want to perm your hair, go right ahead. If you want to flat iron your  hair every week, that's your perogative. Do YOU! Damn what anyone else says or thinks. Know your hair and do what works for you.


Can We All Take Several Seats?

My hair is blowdryed/flat ironed occassionally. Do I feel any less natural? No!

My curls have ALWAYS come back without any  problem. It works for MY hair, though I realize that not all  naturals can do this. I am seriously thinking about ramping up my Dominican blow outs from every three months up to once a month.

For MY hair (and yes, I realize all naturals are different) heat just isn't the devil that many naturals make it out to be. I'd venture that this many naturals have a similar experience. After all, pressed and flat ironed hair were the "natural" style of choice (though we didn't call it that back then) before twist outs, braid outs and wash and go natural hair styles became all the rage. 10 years ago, if you were natural, you more than likely wore your hair in braids or flat ironed.

Heat is Not the Devil

Why is that so bad now?

I think that most of us got along just fine with our flat ironed and pressed hair. Now, it seems as if there's this this huge backlash against naturals who choose to wear their hair straight -- and that we should just get a perm if we are going to wear our hair straight.

So not true. Naturals who use heat in moderation often have healthier hair than relaxed hair. Period. For me, straight hair is just a style. That and nothing more. Must we ALL wear our hair the same way? Just because it's working for me, why would I down someone else about THEIR style?

Naturals can be so damn hypocritical, and it's almost as if you have to "justify" wearing straight hair. Isn't this just as bad as when relaxed ladies try to have natural ladies "justify" their natural hair? Hmm ...

Why I'm Going To Blow Out My Hair More

I'm reevaluating my options. One too many SSK (single strand knot) and matting.  The longer my hair gets, the more this is an issue. I've tried not using gels (used aloe vera gel), less wetting my hair, stretched styles, the Curly Girl method (conditioner as as styler), even tried twist outs.

Same results -- tangle and matting city. Used to never have this problem, and I've lost some length as a result.

For me and MY hair, blowdrying stretches it -- enough so that my curly hair doesn't curl around itself. I'm more scared of that than I am sparingly using heat every 3-4 weeks. For me, the curly styles just ain't working.


My New Regimen

Going to do a few things:

1. Add more protein. Used to henna. Seriously considering going back to it -- or add a stronger protein condish. This will probably  help  my hair no matter what state it's in.

2. In between Dominican blowouts, I will probably blowdry or at least African thread my hair to stretch it more. For me, stretched styles are key. I won't always wear my hair bone straight, just stretched.

3. Adding heat back to my regimen. At most, a Dominican blowout every 3-4 weeks.

I will let you know the results.

Do you think that naturals who straighten their hair are any less natural than those who don't?

HairCrush Fridays

By Tenisha Mercer

A few of my fave hair pics from my fave natural hair site -- BlkGirlsRock.Tumblr.com. Enjoy!




Her curls are the bizness. Seriously. Source

Lush hair, I swear! Source

Love her hair. Source

Talking Natural Hair With My New Boss

By Tenisha Mercer


Natural hair at work

New job. Fortune 500 global corporation. So, you know I do me -- walked up in there with my curls on display. The first day, I wore a pinned up style (wore same style on the interview), but then I gradually began wearing curly fros and pony tails.

I do this on purpose, for a few reasons. I'd already known that I'd straighten my hair soon, as the weather cooled off. But I purposely didn't do it my first day on the job for a few reasons:

My natural curly hair is the "real" me. I'd already gotten the job, but I purposely wear my hair in its natural state the first few weeks Not that I have anything against straight hair, but I just believe that, once you land the job, this is who I am. And I don't make any apologies for it.

So, week 3, I debuted my Dominican blowout. My boss, who is a Black woman with relaxed hair, immediately said:

Her: You straightened your hair!

Me: Yup, I let the Dominicans blow it out. They beat my curls into submission with the blow dryer.

Natural Hair ... With Your Boss

Later that day, she came over and we had a 15 minute discussion about, of all things, hair.

Funny enough, I knew that we'd one day chat about hair.

Her: So, tell me more about the Dominican blowout? Is it good for the hair?

Me: It depends.

And that led into a long discussion about natural hair, about how she goes to a largely natural salon, \(she has shoulder length relaxed hair), and whether the Dominican blowout is healthy. The convo ended up going all over the place, about  how she moved from the Midwest to ATL a few years ago and how there are so many naturals here.

I didn't want to overwhelm her, but I told her a little bit about my hair journey (I was a press and curl/flat iron girl who wore straight hair exclusively with the exception of a curly ponytail betweetn pressing from 1995-2006), and how my daughters wear their hair blowed out, but are still natural (at least for now), and how I love the Dominican blowouts.

We took it WAAAY back. We talked about how relaxers were a rite of passage for most Black women when we grew up. She said she understands how natural hair is good for health reasons and healthier hair, and how she didn't know if relaxers were an option for her growing up because of sports.

And then she even mentioned a few colleagues who have also gone natural, either through transitioning or a big chop. She knew quite a bit about natural hair, but I sensed that she's not ready to make the natural leap yet.

Why My Boss is Not Quite Ready To Make the Natural Leap

She works out (I told her I do, too) and didn't feel that her hair could take it without a relaxer. She also said that relaxed hair only means straight hair; there aren't as many options if you have natural hair, which can be worn straight or curly (I wholeheartedly agreed!)

I told her that you have to do what's right for your hair, but that many naturals are able to work out with their natural hair. She said the dreaded "But she has a nice grade of hair," when referring to someone who  went natural. I didn't correct her. And she ended the convo with how hair is a "chore," whether straight or natural. I'd told her earlier that you have to maintain whether it's straight or natural.

Thinking "natural" is a process. And it doesn't come overnight. I appreciated her being candid. At least she was receptive. That was all I hoped for. I'll work on the natural hair maintenance thing (I wanted to tell her that our hair is easier to maintain with the right products and techniques), and ways that she can still be natural and work out.

We'll get there, one day. Little bits of info at a time.

Now, umm, is this gonna be on my review? LOL!