Talking Natural Hair With My New Boss

By Tenisha Mercer


Natural hair at work

New job. Fortune 500 global corporation. So, you know I do me -- walked up in there with my curls on display. The first day, I wore a pinned up style (wore same style on the interview), but then I gradually began wearing curly fros and pony tails.

I do this on purpose, for a few reasons. I'd already known that I'd straighten my hair soon, as the weather cooled off. But I purposely didn't do it my first day on the job for a few reasons:

My natural curly hair is the "real" me. I'd already gotten the job, but I purposely wear my hair in its natural state the first few weeks Not that I have anything against straight hair, but I just believe that, once you land the job, this is who I am. And I don't make any apologies for it.

So, week 3, I debuted my Dominican blowout. My boss, who is a Black woman with relaxed hair, immediately said:

Her: You straightened your hair!

Me: Yup, I let the Dominicans blow it out. They beat my curls into submission with the blow dryer.

Natural Hair ... With Your Boss

Later that day, she came over and we had a 15 minute discussion about, of all things, hair.

Funny enough, I knew that we'd one day chat about hair.

Her: So, tell me more about the Dominican blowout? Is it good for the hair?

Me: It depends.

And that led into a long discussion about natural hair, about how she goes to a largely natural salon, \(she has shoulder length relaxed hair), and whether the Dominican blowout is healthy. The convo ended up going all over the place, about  how she moved from the Midwest to ATL a few years ago and how there are so many naturals here.

I didn't want to overwhelm her, but I told her a little bit about my hair journey (I was a press and curl/flat iron girl who wore straight hair exclusively with the exception of a curly ponytail betweetn pressing from 1995-2006), and how my daughters wear their hair blowed out, but are still natural (at least for now), and how I love the Dominican blowouts.

We took it WAAAY back. We talked about how relaxers were a rite of passage for most Black women when we grew up. She said she understands how natural hair is good for health reasons and healthier hair, and how she didn't know if relaxers were an option for her growing up because of sports.

And then she even mentioned a few colleagues who have also gone natural, either through transitioning or a big chop. She knew quite a bit about natural hair, but I sensed that she's not ready to make the natural leap yet.

Why My Boss is Not Quite Ready To Make the Natural Leap

She works out (I told her I do, too) and didn't feel that her hair could take it without a relaxer. She also said that relaxed hair only means straight hair; there aren't as many options if you have natural hair, which can be worn straight or curly (I wholeheartedly agreed!)

I told her that you have to do what's right for your hair, but that many naturals are able to work out with their natural hair. She said the dreaded "But she has a nice grade of hair," when referring to someone who  went natural. I didn't correct her. And she ended the convo with how hair is a "chore," whether straight or natural. I'd told her earlier that you have to maintain whether it's straight or natural.

Thinking "natural" is a process. And it doesn't come overnight. I appreciated her being candid. At least she was receptive. That was all I hoped for. I'll work on the natural hair maintenance thing (I wanted to tell her that our hair is easier to maintain with the right products and techniques), and ways that she can still be natural and work out.

We'll get there, one day. Little bits of info at a time.

Now, umm, is this gonna be on my review? LOL!

HairTroversy: When Do You Speak Up?

By Tenisha Mercer

Natural hair conversations at work -- Source

New job.

As my usual new job policy, I wore my hair curly. (For me, this is just what I usually always do, even though I'm due for flat ironing.)

While at lunch with some new co-workers -- a white woman (let's call her Becki) and a black man (let's call him Byron) -- the topic of a senior executive's natural hair came up. This executive is now relaxed -- and her relaxed hair isn't all that to write home about.

Natural Hair Scenario

Here's how the convo went: 

Becki: I'm so glad that she did something with her hair.
Me: What do you mean?
Byron: It was a mess for a while there.
Becki: It looked crazy; it just didn't look right.
Byron: Everybody can't do natural.

I left the convo alone:

1. Only been working there a week. I really don't know anyone well enough  to make a judgment call on anyone's hair.
2. I was clearly natural, and I wondered if this was "my test" as I was wearing a curly fro.
3. This was my first lunch and at-length convo with Becki and Bryan, and I didn't have all the facts.

But, it still left me thinking. We were in mixed company, but I can't fault Becki's observations. They didn't reek of anything but her personal opinion. Not everyone is going to like natural hair or natural hair styles. But, my main issue was with Byron, who is Black.

What Would You Do?
The, "Not everyone can wear natural hair" could have been a teachable moment. But I just didn't have the energy that day. If it comes up again (and it probably will, considering that Black men can have just as bad an image of natural hair as Black women) then I will tell him that God doesn't make mistakes.

They may have both not agreed about her styling choice, but natural hair isn't like relaxed hair: It takes trial and error with products, regimens and hair styles. Any natural will tell you that there are days when your hair is on point and there are days when it's not so much.

I wanted to tell Bryon that, outside of natural circles, rarely have I heard anyone say, "Not everyone can go relaxed."

Naps Get Back
Because the belief is, especially in our communities, that we can, and should, relax our hair.

At all costs.

So what if that relaxer leaves scalp wounds.

So what if that relaxer leaves no edges.

So what if that relaxer leaves hair napes chewed up and busted.

So what if that relaxer makes our  hair look as if it's chewed up and spit out.

Quite frankly, it was a teachable moment that I didn't feel like having in front of a white woman, who probably had no idea what "natural " hair meant, anyway. This was our ish -- not hers.

Maybe Becki needed to hear the convo; maybe she didn't. Days later, I'm still torn. Part of me wanted to tell him that relaxed hair isn't perfect, that maybe she needed a bit of time to get her hair together, that relaxed hair isn't always the solution. The other part of me says I did the right thing around people I didn't know.


When do you speak up or when do you leave it alone?

HairTroversy: Is Straight Hair a No-No When You Work With Naturals?

Is there a such thing as straight hair discrimination?

I love to talk about natural hair.
So it's no surprise that hair is often the topic of discussion with a friend (she's Jewish and loves natural hair).

Her question: Can having straight hair block your advancement at work if you work around nothing but naturals? She told the story about someone who thought that maybe her advancement was hindered because many of her co-workers/superiors had locks, natural hair.

Now, this question is definitely a bit of  a twist. Usually, the question is always the reverse -- will having NATURAL hair affect your progress at work? I told her that it's just as bad as someone discriminating against a person with natural hair.

The Politics of Black Hair
My friend didn't quite understand. So of course I tried to explain  -- in a 5-10 minute work convo, of course -- about Black hair, how going natural can be a very defining moment, how we are our worst critics when it comes to our hair because we collectively worry it will hamper our ability to get a man, a job or both, how we have texture and length are equated to "good" hair, blah, blah, blah.

Detailed convo, which I couldn't even fully explain in a condensed version. Why we feel about our hair can't be condensed in a short convo. That ish takes YEARS to explain! Let's not even get into all that drama over heat training, whether flat ironed naturals are really "naturals," and having bosses who are hell bent on defining what natural means to "them."  I would have REALLY confused her.

She couldn't understand why, in  her mind, natural hair was so beautiful, that folks would put other folks' hair (weave) onto their heads. She called it "creepy." She's seen the Good Hair documentary, by the way. My friend said she gets it, but still doesn't quite "get" it. And that's OK with me. Hell, we don't even "get" all of our hair issues, although we can definitely understand and probably relate.

Have you ever been discriminated against because you have wore straight hair?

Policing Natural Hair At Work

I'm a huge practical joker -- can't do 'em to save my life, because I end up laughing and giving it away -- but I love, love, love shows that pull practical jokes on others.

Nephew Tommy from the Steve Harvey show -- as well as Ricky Smiley -- are two of my radio faves. Yesterday, I caught the middle of Nephew Tommy's Prank Phone Call in which Tommy pretended he was in HR and called a woman who wore a weave to tell her about the company's no-weave/natural hair policy.

I DIED!

So funny. I couldn't find it online or you know I'd post it here. But let me paraphrase it for you.

Tommy: Monday morning, I need you to take your weave out. You are expected to arrive at work without a weave, because we are going natural.

Woman: What? *!**##!! I'm not taking my weave out. I'm gonna be at be desk with my weave on.

Tommy: This is the new policy.

Woman: I paid $300 for this weave. It's a good weave. I'm not taking it out.

Tommy: Yes, you will or you will be terminated, per our natural hair policy.

Woman: *!!!@@# I'm wearing my weave!!! I'm going to be at my job, at my desk, with my weave in. How will you know it's a weave? Are you weave checking or something? I got that good weave ....

All of which got me to thinking: What if there WERE a natural hair policy at your job? Would you stay there or protest?


I couldn't find the vid online, but here's a Nephew Tommy Prank call dealing with hair.