What Will You Do in 2012?

2011 is almost an afterthought.

And, in that spirit, I thought we'd reminisce about the things we did in 2011 and our goals for the coming year. Some of these goals came about from good old fashioned experience (the best teacher), while others are new on the to-do list for the year.

I'm a big believer in writing what I want down, so the same rule applies with hair.

Goal: To wear my hair stretched more
Wearing curly hair is a lovely thing. What's not so lovely, though, are the massive tangles and mid-hair shaft knots I get whenever I wear it curly with gel -- especially in the crown -- for a long period of time.

My crown has suffered major trauma as a result. I'm not sure how to remedy that, with the exception of more stretched hair via blowouts, twist outs etc. On a good note, I finally got twist outs and flat twists right this year, though they are still hit-or-miss styles for me.

Goal: Henna
I used to be a henna head, but haven't touched the stuff in more than a year. Just haven't felt like dealing with the mess. But I need to get over that ish, real quick. When I think about my hair when I wore it, I had fewer problems with tangled hair. Perhaps because of the protein? Maybe it's time to revisit it.

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Goal: Growth
I'm not the obsessesed with growth type; I don't slap weird ish -- whale sperms, Monistat, Nizoral and anything else weird that pops up every so often on blogs and hairforums -- on my hair. I've always thought my hair grows relatively fast and, I even had some noticeable growth spurts this year.

For the record, the only thing I use is Chlorella (not for hair growth per se, but these pills keep my eczema in check). But, I do want to see what kind of lengths I can achieve this year. I've lost a little bit on the sides due to tangles, so let's see what happens on this length journey in 2012!

Goal: HairNista.com
This has nothing to do with hair, but I think it's just as important. In October, I launched HairNista.com. I've been pleasantly pleased, though there have been plenty of times I've wondered: 'Am I talking to only myself?'  Not a whole, whole lot of feedback.

Happened to see some stats for HairNista.com and I saw that it's gone international: After the U.S., Russia was the country with the most site visits (are there a lot of naturals in Russia? Who knew!), followed by the U.K, Germany, Canada, Latvia and finally, Denmark.

I've still got a lot of work to do on HairNista, but this kind of traffic has me grinning from ear to ear. So, my plans are to increase posting -- up from the 3 times a week I now post, and add more videos, product reviews, and more about the products I use.

Overall, though, I want to make HairNista more of a community for those who love hair and fashion, as well as add more fashion posts and vids/photos of my fashion.

There, I'm done with my goals. Let's do a mid-year check in about 4 month to see where I'm at, and then tweak as necessary. How about you? What are your goals for 2012?

London Style

Green Waterfall Jersey Dress, £25, Dorothy Perkins via InStyle.Co.UK

There's just something about London-style that I love.

Maybe it's the fact that their fashions are quirky and different. 

Maybe it's the fact that, because it's overseas, that their fashion just speaks to me.

Or, maybe it's the fact that they give the finger to U.S. styles, preferring to beat to their own drum.

It's different enough that I just love it. I luv, luv, luv shops like like Asos, Zara and Topshop.

Sure, there are some designers that we share on both "sides of the pond," but then they've got their own, like House of Holland, for example. I got a chance to catch up with my European fashionistas over the weekend when looking through InStyle's UK edition.

Was amazed by how different, yet how chic, their styles are. For one, they call low-cost, yet stylish brands "high street." Think H&M and Target. And, I was suprised by their trends: They are big on Peter Pan collars. Who knew? And will and how fast will that trend get here, because I'm still having flashbacks from those peter pan collars I wore from 6th-8th grade Catholic school.

What do you think of London style?

The Switch Up

After nearly two months of curly, I switched it up and flat ironed. I parted in in the front and did two twists. What do you think?

Merry Christmas!

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I hope Santa has been good to you, bestowing all the hair gifts under the tree that you've requested.

What was on your list?

Study: Natural Hair Among Black Women Growing

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I love it when mainstream press shows naturals love.

Yeah, yeah, I know blogs from my fellow curlies like CurlyNikki.com, BGLHOnline.com and others make it seem like natural hair is the "norm," but sadly, it's not. We're an insulated, online community that, while overwhelmingly nurturing and supportive, can still feel like you are waging a solo war depending upon the natural community where you live.

So, imagine my surprise when I read an article on USAToday.com about "natural hair making waves among Black women." It quoted Design Essentials and a TV reporter who went natural, and a side article featured CurlyNikki.com (a.k.a. Walton).

Earlier, we asked if natural hair had gone mainstream. This article seems proof that it is, and it's more than just anecdotal.

Here was the gold nugget:

"The number of black women who say they do not use products to chemically relax or straighten their hair jumped to 36% in 2011, up from 26% in 2010, according to a report by Mintel, a consumer spending and market research firm. Sales of relaxer kits dropped by 17% between 2006 and 2011, according to Mintel."

My Hair/Fashion Crush

Ya'll know: I crush hard for my Hairnistas!

At least, that's what I thought when I saw this on NaturalHair.Tumblr:

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Good googley moogley! I. Am. Freakin'. Loving. This. Look.

Natural hair and fashion are my faves.  It's rare, though, that a pic will capture both of my loves. I love er'ythang about this pic.

Let's start with the hair. OMG, the hair. The retro 40s bump in the front with the sky high bun in the back! Can you say she's killin' 'em? Loves it! Now for the clothes. I love the color combo: That mustard yellow is a classic color that, by the way, is huge for fall. It works really well in a suit.

Wonder if those longish jackets -- popular in the late 90s -- are making a comeback? Hmm...

I love everything about the look: the color blocked belt and the purse set this look off. The turquoise and purple in the belt and purse set the mustard ensemble off perfectly.

What do you think of this look?

Natural Hair Trends Influencing Relaxed Hair?



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 Was chilling on a Sunday morning and I heard this hair ad on the radio:

"Moroccan oil infused Remy Hair. Stays Moisturized and Lasts Longer."

Now, I've seen all kinds of uses for Moroccan oil -- in gel, shampoos, conditioners, etc. But in fake hair?

Really?

It got me to thinking: Do natural hair trends "cross" over? I think they do. Yes, natural and relaxed hiar regimens are different. And, I know that what we do to our hair may require different products. But at the end of the day, hair is ... just hair.
Tons of naturals rave about Morrocan aka Argan oil. Don't see why relaxed heads wouldn't rave about it, too. Moisturizing is a big hair topic, no matter if you are natural or relaxed.

I've seen many hair trends start in the natural hair community ... natural ingredients such as shea butter, aloe and castor oil are now added to mainstream product lines like Creme of Nature, Bronner Bros, Soft Sheen Carson and Dr. Miracle, just to name a few.

These brands are often a little late to the party (sometimes, by the time they "figure" it out, naturals are on to the latest, new thing or product), but at least they tried.

What natural hair trends have you seen that influence women with relaxed hair?

Black Hair Prompts a "White Only" Sign?

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You know, I thought Jim Crow was over.

But a landlord in Cincinnati apparently wants to bring it back, according to a story I saw on ABCNews.com. And wouldn't you know it, hair has something to do with it.

Sigh.

I don't know whether to cry or get super pissed. Right now, I'm leaning heavily towards super pissed!Seems that a Ohio landlord who is Caucasian put up a "White only" sign at her swimming pool. The sign is from 1931, and is purportedly an antique.

But antique isn't the reason why Jamie Hein, 31, erected the sign, which says, "Public Swimming Pool, White Only."  Reportedly, the sign was erected after an African American girl who was the daughter of one of Hein's tenants, used the pool on Memorial Day weekend.

According to the girl's father,  Michael Gunn, Hein put the sign up because the pool was "cloudy" because the girl's had chemicals in her hair. Now, I don't know about any chemicals, but I can tell you that girl probably had conditioner in her hair to protect it from the chlorine; I do my girls the same way.

My daughters have swam in plenty a pool. And each time, their hair is loaded up with conditioners and oils -- or whatever I think will block chlorine out. I dare someone to demand anything to me about their hair and the pool; that foolishness deserves no explanation, no rationale.

But that's what pool cleaners are for, right?

This isn't about hair; it's about racism towards people -- Black people.

Hein is unapologetic, saying that the sign is an antique decoration.

“I’m not a bad person,” said Jamie Hein of Cincinnati. “I don’t have any problem with race at all. It’s a historical sign.”

Gunn has filed a discrimination charge with the Ohio Civil Rights Commission.

You know, stories like this don't deserve any ink. But, they are a painful and stark reminder.

I could have sworn it was 2011, not 1911.

The woman has every right, no matter how uncouth and backward, to put up a sign on her public property.

But let me tell you what she can't do: It is against the National Fair Housing Act to show bias to tenants based on race, nationality, sexuality, family status, gender or disability. And that applies to any landlord -- whether it's an apartment, a commercial property or a residential property.

Hein's property is private, yes.

But she is renting it out to tenants -- which makes this a Fair Housing Act violation all day long.

How can a landlord erect that "white only" sign, and not expect for residents who aren't white to feel intimidated by that sign? She can put a sign up in her home with this racist mess all day long. But what she can't do is put it up in a home that's rented to tenants.

Gunn moved out in June.

Stuff like this makes me pissed. Call Rev. Al, Jessie Jackson,whoever you gotta call, cuz this is some bull right here. Act a fool if you want, but guess what? You are gonna get sued. I'm convinced that suing someone, especially in the litigious society we live in, is the only way things will change when it comes to race relations.

Folks won't play nice. A judgment or two will make folks wise up quick -- real quick. I'm the last to do Cum By Ya, trust that. Throw the word "lawsuit" around and folks do right. Let's fight ignorance and racism with the law -- one of the only weapons we have left.

And, she just gave investigators what they wanted -- she admitted that the sign was up, saying that it had nothing to do with Gunn's daughter.

"I’ve never said anything to that child,” Hein said. “If I have to stick up for my white rights, I have to stick up for my white rights. It goes both ways.”

Really?

Makes me want to say this ish can't be real. Hair is one thing; that's what started this mess. But to put up a "White only" sign is something all together different.

In Sept., the Ohio Civil Rights Commision found Hein violated the Ohio Civil Rights Act by posting the sign.

Which, by the way, was stolen.

Hein is appealing the decision.

What she wouldn't be appealing, would by the plethora of National Fair Housing Act lawsuits that need to be heaped on her. This is a fair housing case, and should be treated as such, as well as any other civil, state and federal statues they can conjure up.

Hey, I'm no attorney, but I am certified in the National Fair Housing Act (long story, but had to complete it for social media marketing work I did for apartment property management companies).

Put the "White Only" sign up if you want to. Just know you will get sued.

What's on Your Holiday Wish List?

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It's Dec. 13 and my Christmas tree isn't up yet. I know, I know. Usually, I try to put it up sometime around the first of December. 'Tis the season, but it's a no-go this year, though, as I've got too much stuff going on.

I'm trying to get into the holiday season, but I am looking forward to getting some hair gifts under the tree.

I'd love to get a hair steamer (I do the towel in the microwave thing, but it would be nice to get a steamer); a new bonnet dryer; Curlformers (I already have the bootleg kind that I scored off eBay)and a new bonnet dryer.

Oh, yeah, and I'd like to treat myself to a twist out done by a stylist (maybe I can copy their technique)?

What's on your Christmas wish list?

Gel Relapse

Earlier this week, I told you how hair gel is my hair crack.

Well, I've had a relapse. I did a wash and go updo with gel. I tried to do a 7-day no gel challenge, but the gel got the best of me. Hold up. I've got a good excuse. I had an interview Thursday. And gel gives me consistent styling; it's why I use it.

I usually wear my hair curly on job interviews, because:

1. I go as my hair is. If someone has an issue about my hair, it's best that they see it curly -- early! That way, if hair IS an issue, we can get over that hump in the beginning and I can keep it moving. Can curly hair be an issue? You damn right, but I definitely think it's less of an issue that what we think it is.

I've found that usually, curly hair tends to be "our" problem, not theirs. We stress over what white folks will think about our hair when, a lot of the time, it's another person who looks like us who has an issue with "our" hair. Go figure. As I said, though, if there is a curly hair bias, I think we need to get that issue out of the way pretty early so that I won't work there and no one will get hurt, LOL!

2. I tend to do more tried-and-true, tested formal natural styles on an interview. I have not perfected twist outs. Many times, they're a hit or miss. So I usually do a curly bun because it's super easy for me and the results are pretty much consistent. And I think that, like any hairstyle during an interview, it's best to error on the side of being too conservative.

I don't whip out the fro until I get the job.  I've heard some naturals say they wear their hair straight and then curly after their probation is up. I don't do that, but to each it's own. I'd rather folks get a clear idea of what my hair will look like. I'll wear it curly for months, in wash and gos and updos, and then wear it straight. Folks are usually surprised -- and that's fine. It's good for folks to see how versatile our hair is.

How do you wear your natural hair during an interview? Are you worried about natural hair styling before an interview? Do you think we worry too much about our hair in the workplace?

Yo, Can I Get THIS Twistout?

Doing my usual reading on BlackGirlLongHair.com and I came across this twist out.

I Love My Hair app release party at Anthony Dickey's Hair Rules' Salon; Photos by Marta McAdams 

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Luciousness at its finest. A bunch of curly girls at the I Love My Hair App release at Anthony Dickeyu's Hair Rules' Salon in NYC, with pics by photog Marta McAdams.




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 I stalked the photos to see if I could see a reggie or products  (Nada).

My twist  outs come out looking nothing like this.

Makes me wonder if I will ever be able to get my hair like this. I'd even be OK if my hair looked twice as good as her hair. I thought about trying to recreate the style with my stash of Miss Jessie's and my soft bonnet dryer, then got tired and fell asleep. I know a lot of naturals are their own stylists, but I am seriously thinking about going to a salon to get a twist out.

Would you go to a salon for a twist out?

Less is More?

I'm the queen of slapping all kinds of stuff on my hair.

If product directions say a dime-sized dollop, I'll do twice that just for good measure.

What can I say? I'm just heavy handed, LOL!

I've got plenty of products stashed away (Miss Jessie's, a holdout from last year's BOGO, lots of samples, just waaaaayyy too much stuff). After I got a second day wash and go on Friday,  (I ended up liking it less and less as the day wore on) I went home, washed it out, conditioned my hair and applied Doo Groo for moisture.

I twisted it up, applied some Motions Wrap Foam for a bit of hold, and used a bonnet dryer for about 15 minutes. Only 2 products! Not bad, especially considering that I'm generally twist out challenged.
I think it's a keeper style.

Today, I just fluffed and went. I'm proud of myself; no gel!

What do you think? Does your hair respond better with more or less products? Have you achieved better twist outs with more or less products?

HairNista Challenge: No Gel 7-Day Challenge

Gel insecurity? Not sure if I'm feeling this? I thought it looked cute.

My name is Tenisha. And I am addicted to hair gel.

Gel is my creamy, err, goey crack? It's just something about how my hair hangs with gel.I've never got the knack of the tightly curly method of just using conditioner. I NEED something more in my hair than just conditioner to make it hang right.

I use conditioner (lately, Cantu Shea Butter) + Doo Gro under it, but I also use gel. Typically, I'm not able to get 3-4 day hair, either, so I at least have to wet it every morning. I'm so bad with it that my friend says I use WAY too much of it, LOL.

Unless my hair is flat ironed, it's rare for me to go two weeks without using gel -- usually EcoStyler with Argan oil, but before that it was Sallys Proclaim Activator gel. My hair just don't feel right unless I add just a teeny, tiny bit, at least to the front.

All of this worked fine until this summer, when my hair really began to thicken up -- especially the crown. EcoStyler started tangling my hear. I swore it off and began using Proclaim again. But I couldn't stand the feel of Proclaim in my hands, so back to EcoStyler we went.

Sigh. I just don't know if this recent thickness and length will allow me to wear a wash and go. I swore off Wash and Gos not even a few weeks ago, but they are my go-to style that I KNOW will turn out  halfway decent (my twist outs are often a #fail).

Curls, Curls, Curls
I think I have a curl obsession, no? I know. I know. In previous posts, I said I would stop using gel, because of knots. Well, I backslid... and started using it again. This week, I slapped a pound of it on the back of my hair. And let's not even talk about my damaged crown (found a few more tangles there, too).

Wouldn't you know it that some of the back of my hair, where the length is, has tangled. Can you say setback? I don't have patience to remove masses of tangled knots, so I snipped snipped two knots out this morning. I think I lost a good 3 inches, and I don't want to think about how long it took me to grow that -- nor how long it will take to grow back!

Major setback, HairNistas, or at least I feel like it's a major setback. My crown is noticeably shorter, and now the same issues are affecting my length.

That's why I'm committing to not using gel. I'm starting small -- one week, no gel. Let's be real. I'll probably have to replace it. Thinking about using Shea Moisture's Curl Milk or an old fave -- Hawaiian Silky 6 in 1 or Carefree Gold activator. Something, anything that won't tangle my hair, AND that's not made with gel.

Can I do it?

Yesterday, I put gel on it, but it was in an updo and slightly stretched. This morning, I fluffed my wash and go and got rare second day hair. Tonight, I think I'm going to detangle it and set it on curl formers for a Corinne Bailey Rae inspired curly do or blow it out because I'm tired of knots. Other than avoiding gel like the plague, I think I'm also going to up my detangling routine.

Lovin' this updo, but why do I ALWAYS cut by head off in pics?

Admittedly, I'd gotten away from it, after reading one too many blog posts about naturals who finger comb or don't detangle at all. I thinks my hair can still manage fingers, but I definitely need a comb!

What non-gel products do you think I should use for a wash and go? Does gel tangle your hair? Has this happened to you?

Doin' it Ghanian Style!

I'm a natural hair blog fanatic who checks CurlyNikki.com, BGLHOnline.com and KisForKinky.com religiously. And, yeah, I can get a bit obsessive with it, (like stalking the sites throughout the day) but anywho...

I was on KisForKinky.com when I saw this:

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Can you say I am crushing on this -- hard?

It's from Sika Designs -- inspired and produced in Ghana, West Africa. The line uses Ghanian-inspired fabrics, patterns and designs, produced by expert Ghanian seamstresses and tailors, but with a very chic, mod Western twist.

Now, I love a good print -- especially Batik. But, this entire line is so feminine, so edgy, so me. The London-based  line is owned by Phyllis Taylor.

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 I'm definitely loving this. What do you think?

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HairSpiration: The Fro!

Saw this gorgeous head of hair on BGLHOnline and I just had to give it a HairSpiration! I love the fact that it's wild and free -- doing its own thang! Will be glad when my shrunken fro gets this long. I have to blow it out and twist it to get length.



Check out her reggie and her blog, candidcinni.blogspot.com.

My Daughters' Dominican Blowout: Part 1

The girls' natural hair in Oct. 2011

Natural hair after blow out

Natural hair after blow out

For months, I've debated taking my daughters to a Dominican hair salon for a Dominican blowout.

I thought the heat for the blow dryer would be too hot -- and so I put off taking them.

I thought, there is NO way they are going to be able to take the curdles of smoke and red hot heat from the blow dryer. I mean, these are the same girls who flinched if I barely touched their hair. And I just knew they'd leave the salon in tears.

But, after years of wearing their hair curly, they both wanted straight hair, even going so far as asking for a perm (the answer was "no"). 

Their  Hair Story

Let me back up a little bit. My girls haven't had the best salon experiences, either. Actually, they've been quite negative. Most hair stylists don't want to do their hair or complain because of  their hairs' length and thickness. They've left the salon in tears, from stylists who weren't gentle and probably resented all the time it took to do their hair, while admonishing me to perm their hair when they were 6 and 8. (Nope, wasn't gonna happen).  

Their hair is supa dupa think, and it's proved no match for my lack of hair skills post ponytails. Ponytails, I could handle. But as the parent of a 5th grader and 7th grader, my girls wanted something different. Plus, they've outgrown all of those cute little ponytails and barrette styles I used to do.

Why Momma's Not Always The Best

They wanted their hair straight. But Momma's not a hair genius. No matter what product, or styling tool (professional ionic blow dryers and good flat irons from Sally's), it proved no match for their long, thick tresses.

I only got minimal results. I just couldn't get their hair straight. I'd flat iron it, and it would get somewhat straight. But it never lasted. At worst, it would begin reverting the very same day I pressed it. At best, it would last until the next day or two.

With two thick heads, we all ended up frustrated -- and exhausted -- on wash day. The whole process was laborious, taking hours to detangle, wash, blow dry and flatiron -- for each head! Love hair, but I'm no hair expert. I just felt like I couldn't get the hair thing right.

Will it Work?

Enter the Dominican salons.

Notorious for heat, Dominicans are wunderkinds with the round blush and blow dryer. They're famous for coaxing kinks, curls and waves into damn near perm straight locks with a bend and flick of a wrist.  If you want bone straight locks, with no chemicals, they're the best thing going.

I knew if anybody could get the girls' hair straight, it would be the Dominicans. On Saturday, we trekked to Juanita's Hair Salon in Alpharetta. I warned them about the heat. Told them it would be hot. But they insisted (my warnings didn't deter them).

I tried to detangle their hair at home, but once it was wet at the salon, it tangled all over again. It took about four hours -- and a long detangling session on my youngest, whose hair had gotten super thick after weeks of wearing twists -- but they emerged with straight hair.

The Process

Here's how the whole thing went down:

After a long time detangling at the shampoo bowl, it was time for deep conditioning under the blow dryer. I thought I'd have to check my oldest daughter's stylist, after she used a rat tail comb. I didn't see any ripped hair, so I didn't say anything

What's in that Mystery Mix?

What they use is a mystery. Bottles and  jars of creamy stuff. Some had labels, but I couldn't see that far, LOL. They didn't rinse the conditioner out, but blowdried it in. This goes against traditional advice, which says hair should have little to no product in it for a good flat iron. The only exceptions to that rule are heat damage serum/spray and dabs of grease or pressing oil. And, hydrating the hair with moisture or deep conditioners BEFORE blow drying/flat ironing is recommended.

Well, the Dominican blowout took all of that and threw it out the window. After wet detangling under the shampoo bowl, they washed it, put the girls under the dryer for deep conditioning, and then sectioned and detangled again in small Bantu knots. They didn't rinse out the conditioner or whatever mystery mixed they used, because I could see it foaming up on the girls hair. Maybe this process protects the hair or gets it straighter?

Next, they blowed it straight with a round brush and, finally, flat ironed it pin straight for a finishing touch. (It took not one but TWO stylists to blowdry Mya's hair).

They did an excellent job, charging $55 for a blowout+trim and $60 for a blow dry. Their standard prices for natural hair were $45 for a blowout  + $5 more for long hair. I tipped generously, because it took my youngest a LONG time to detangle.

Overall, I'd do this again in a heartbeat. I plan to have their hair straightened once a month -- no more. Heat in moderation, and trust, their next appointment is already booked. My girls? They're happy as pie. My youngest said the detangling hurt, but she liked the results. My oldest daughter's hair is MBL, and the youngest is WL.

Why it was Worth It

And Mommy? Yeah, I'm good! The girls have trusted my non-hair doing behind with their hair for so long that they're old enough and now it's time for me to hand the hair reigns to someone else who I trust. (In full disclosure, I went to this particular salon a few times in 2009, but stopped going because I no longer wanted to heat train my hair).

I'd much rather fork over the cost to let professionals straighten their hair, and I managed to catch up on some work while I was at the salon.  Yeah, that heat ain't no joke, but I'm hoping that blowouts will stave off their desire for a perm for a looooong while.

What do you think? Would you get a Dominican blowout?

What Natural Products Are You Thankful For?

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It's Thanksgiving, and I'm thankful for many things: My family, a home, a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner cooked by hubby + I, relatively good health, a business, a job, and kids, who while they get on my last nerves sometimes, are good and do well in school.

The list could go on and on.

So, in that spirit, are you thankful for your hair? I know, I know. In the grand scheme of things, hair isn't one of the top priorities -- or is it? -- but what products, styles or techniques are you thankful for this year?

You've got to be thankful for the small things in order to appreciate the big things.

Maybe you're thankful for your new big chop. Perhaps you reached your length goal. You finally figured out how to properly moisturize and seal your hair. At last, you learned how to master twist outs and braid outs. Your edges finally grew in. You went natural this year. Or, you finally discovered your holy grail product. Or, you are no longer a product junkie and have simplified your regimen (your wallet thanks you).

What style, product or technique are you thankful for?

It's My Birthday!

It's my birthday, HairNistas! *singing Happy Birthday Stevie Wonder style*

Today, I'm gonna get my shop on!

My hair? Umm, yeah. It's back in a wash and go. Sigh.

What can I say? It's my go-to style. I'm taking a break from the wig, after I noticed my hear thinning at the top and the sides where the wig clips are. After a tangling setback -- I lost length on the sides after I had to cut out some strands with mid-hair tangles and tangles on the end on sides and in the thicker crown of my hair.

I can attribute that largely to the Silicon Mix with protein deep conditioner. Something told me not to get it, but my regular non-protein mix was sold-out. Made my hair tangle something fierce. May get it pressed out professionally this weekend, for a birthday treat.

What's Wrong With Your Hair?

I'll admit it: There are some days that my natural hair is on point. And, other days, not so much.

Take the day my hair was an unintentional fro because of rain/humidity. Nothing wrong with a fro; hell, I wear one all the time. But there's nothing worse than a fro frizzball that you didn't set out to be a fro.

Later that day, a comment from my husband that my frizzed out hair did not "look becoming" of me, had me ready to take out the claws, grab the vaseline and take off my earrings, LOL. I brushed off his comments, with a my hair frizzed in the fog and an I don't care.

The next day, I put it into two cute flat twists, that I eventually took down. I thought it looked a HAM, but a transitioner gave me a compliment about my hair that lifted what I thought was a bad hair day. That didn't last. After a few hours outside, my hair was an even bigger frizzball, so much so that my daughters asked, "what's wrong with your hair?" the moment I walked in the door.

I mostly ignored them, and said nothing. Our natural hair and curls, loves them. The frizz? That ish can get back. I don't know many people who like frizz, and I know I don't. My frizz has a direct correlation to my style. Any humdity in the air and my hair instantly poofs - unless it's gelled down or flat ironed bone straight. Even if it's straight, I still have to put it into a braid for it not to revert.

I don't know why loved ones' comments about our hair get to us so much. I mean, if a stranger had told me what my family said to me, they'd have gotten told.

Are you in love with your frizz? What do you do when people make unflattering comments about your hair?

Versaci Debuts at H&M

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First it was Missoni for Target. Now comes one of the hottest pairings  of all - Versace for H&M.

The uber hip retailer H&M debuts its Versace collection today at stores across the country. It's the latest luxe for less pairing, as high-end fashion brands increasingly unveil their clothing to the shopping masses at discount retailers.

Branding high-end names with discount retailers is a hit, breathing new life into brands and exposing them to a new customer base they might not have otherwise reached.  Missoni for Target was a smashing success, selling out in mere minutes online and in stores. (I was lucky enough to snag a Missoni shirt for less than $15 a few weeks later on the clearance rack.)

And other pairings such as Mizrahi for Target, Vera Wang for Kohls and even Stella McCartney for H&M have all been met with the seal of consumer approval.

In Versace's case, their H&M line is priced at a fraction of its regular retail cost -- $20 to $400. It's all Versace, with plenty of leather, studs and the Versace "print" they are known for. The line was introduced in the U.K. last week, and sold out.

Today, the retailer will showcase its U.S. collection in select stores in New York, Georgia and California and other states. Customers in NYC lined up 24 hours before the store opened.

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If you've always wanted Versace, but couldn't afford the price, now's your chance, Hairnistas. Don't expect to buy the entire line, though. These fashionable pairings usually feature a limited selection of designer wares and when they're gone, they're gone.

In Versace's case, customers will be limited to two of each item at H&M. I heard on Good Morning America that customers will only have 15 minutes to shop each section.

Happy shopping!

Love it or Hate it? Lanvin Turban Headbands

I'm all for fashion, but there are some things that make me go, "hmm...?"

If you're hip to the natural hair scene, you know that turbans have been in for, like, ever! Naturals are doing it up, going ultra glam, with beautiful, ornate turbans, worn every which way -- top knots, side knots, back knots, figure-8 knots, you name it. You'd have to be living under a rock to not know that turbans have been in for a minute, with everyone from Solange to Rhianna wearing them.

So, it struck me as a bit odd when I read on The Zoe Report by fashionista Rachel Zoe that Lanvin has now debuted what they call a turban headband *drumroll, please* for a whopping $500. I. Could. Not. Believe. It.




Lanvin headbad


Lanvin's "turban" headband is really nothing more than a headband, in my book. They can take the "turban" out of it. I know of no turban that is of a similar size; it's just a smidge bigger than your standard headband, but no bigger than those huge headbands we used to wear back in the 90s (dating myself, I kno). Oh, and its available in black, red, gray and blue at Barney's New York.

And for $500? Chile, BYE! I can't think of a better waste of hard earned money.

Zoe writes:

"Leave it to Lanvin to introduce a real game-changer in the realm of accessories for your tresses. With the advent of the Parisian brand’s turban headband—our adornment du jour—we’re rapidly readjusting all traditional hairstyle regimens to best accommodate our favorite new look.

A hot item for fall, the turban has emerged as an unexpectedly cool topper for good and bad hair days alike. .. Effortless, elegant and totally wearable, the turban trend is a definite do."

Umm... I'm sorry but, now that Lanvin + other have "discovered" turbans, they are suddenly chic and cool?

So interesting.

You can look at the whole turban trend a few ways. Yeah, Rihanna, singer Chrisette Michelle, Solange, stylist June Ambrose and model Eva Marcille may rock a turban here and there, but many of your average, everyday black women get plenty of shade thrown their way for the look -- no matter how they make it work with makeup, chic earrings and shades.



Solange and singers Estelle and Chrisette Michelle wearing turbans





Some folks treat women wearing turbans as if they are lazy, trifling and rolling out the bed with a Du-Rag on because their hair isn't done. That is SO not it. I don't want to get off to much whole thing about high-end fashion discovering this look, because fashionable women in Nigeria and other African, Indian and Islamic countries have worn ornate head wraps-- turbans included -- for many, many years.

I haven't gotten much into turbans, though I did rock plenty of head wraps back when Alicia Keys make them popular, circa 2001-2003. I will say, though, that I hope that June Ambrose's line of trubans and the tons of indie turban designers and makers can profit from the fashion industry's newfound discovery. Their wares are a whole heck of a lot cheaper -- and look much, much better -- than Lanvin's plain old headband wannabe turban.









HairSpiration: Corrine Bailey Rae

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I love Corinne Bailey Rae's hair. In my book, she ranks right up there with Tracee Ellis Ross in terms of natural hair. Every pic of her natural hair, I absolutely love.

It looks like she used flexi rods or curlformers to achieve the sideswept look, and I love the pompadour in the front. Really sets off the entire look. Don't know if I can rock it with my forehead, but Corrine looks lovely with it.

What do you think? Would you wear this hairstyle? If so, how did it turn out?

Hair Challenge

Most hair challenges usually involve a regimen -- protective styling, no-heat, sealing and moisturizing, etc., for a specific period of time.

This is a different kind of hair challenge. It's about the challenges our hair experiences-- dryness, breakage, single strand knots, unintentional dreading and matting, thin edges, split ends. Whatever particular challenges you are having.

As my hair has grown, the challenges I'm experiencing now are quite different than the ones I used to have. As I've said before on this blog, I think my wash and go days are done. They once worked marvelously, but now the gel and conditioner do nothing but tangle my hair.

I'm talking about bad tangles and knots  -- the middle of the hair kind that does drastic damage on hair length. I've tried to pick them put, separate it with my fingers. But it's so matted together that I usually just get my scissors and start cutting.

As a result, I've lost some length in the crown :(

On the positive side, my hair has grown a lot thicker over these past few months. I'm finding that my thick area -- a circle-shaped area near my crown -- requires a lot more attention. That area tangles ridiculously. I've been using the finger method for that area, and let me tell ya, it ain't working. I think all the gel I use doesn't help either, and I'm not quite sure how to fix this, other than banning my beloved wash and gos.

After a mini blow out and twist out last week, I had nothing but mats and tangles, and that area has been severely affected. Not quite sure what to do, since I'd been wearing my hear in braids and out occassionally from my wig.

It's time to refine my regimen. I don't ever recall my hair tangling this badly in that area, so it's time for some serious detangling sessions every week. Armed with my Herbal Essence Hello Hydration, I'm gonna be a detangling fool.

Not too much, but enough to make sure my thick areas - a 3-4-inch area near my crown - stay tangle-free as possible. I'm also going to try oil rinses with olive oil. They work really well on by daughters' hair, but I've never used them.

This whole experience has forced me to reevaluate. The only thing differently I'm doing is using Dax on a regular basis to seal, and I tried a protein Silicon mix deep conditioner.

Oh, and I'm also going to be be straightening my hair for a minute to aid in detangling. I've gotten better at twist ous and flat twists, so I'll be wearing my hair that way when it's not flat ironed. I really need to get better at documenting my regimen by photo. Pictures don't lie.

What are your hair challenges and how are you overcoming them?

Looks We Love

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I was reading BGLHOnline when I saw this post about what celebrities are wearing and stopped. Like stopped.

I didn't even know who this person was. All I knew was her outfit was BANGIN!

I later read on to find out that the celeb was Shingai Shoniwa (Why, oh, why, do I not know who she is? *Googling her* ) at Cosmo Magazine's Woman of the Year Awards. She's stunning in this outfit.

Her skin is ... simply gorgeous. It's glowing, and it definitely adds to the outfit. I never thought about dark skin as an "accessory," but it is in this case. Add that to the backdrop of the yellow dress with the uber contemporary top and sheer bottom, turquoise blue belt, coral clutch for a pop of color and blue suede shoes and this is a stunning look.

Color blocking at its best.

The outfit first got my attention. But can I tell you that I love her hair. A very retro pinup that absolutely compliments her outfit. WERK it, girl!

What do you think? Would you wear this?

HairTroversy: Koreans in the Black Beauty Supply Business

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I ran across this article about Korean beauty supply stores in the Cascade Patch (Atlanta) via Kisforkinky.com.

Frank Mohadou closed the door to the beauty supply business he was struggling to keep, in the slice of space he obtained from his sister. The still night held no comfort for the African native as he slid behind the wheel of the $250-a-month car he could barely afford.

Read more here.

Written in May by Kimathi Lewis, the "Ugly Side of the Beauty Supply Market" was an excellent piece. As a former journalist who has written an article or two about the beauty supply industry, it's the first "expose" that I've read about the inner workings of the beauty supply industry.

Is it Really That Bad for Black Beauty Supply Stores?

For years, I've heard that the industry was strictly controlled and strongarmed by Koreans, almost like the Korean mafia. It shut black beauty supply owners out, limiting or banning products they purchase. This was the first written account that I've read that painfully details the Koreans' stronghold on the Black beauty supply industry.

Why is this all on the low? For a long time, folks were afraid to talk. Last year, I heard a radio interview by a member of a Black beauty supply association in Atlanta about how tough it was for Black entrepreneurs to succeed in the industry.

I believed every word he said.

Why We Must Control More Products For Our Hair

Now, I'm all for capitalism. Not to get too political, but I know of very few industries that serve an ethnic group where said ethnic group doesn't control at least a majority of it. It would be like me controlling the market for Passover and Hanukkah merchandise; I'm Black, it's a Jewish product. Or, it would be like me making tortillas for Latinos -- I could do it, but that doesn't mean that it would be successful.

It simply would not happen.

It's something inherently "wrong" about an ethnic product in which the people who the product is intended for have such a small stake in its success. It's also wrong that a product that African Americans consume cannot be purchased in large quantities for the purpose of resale by the very people who it is supposedly made for. I have no legal background whatsoever, but doesn't this smack of an unfair trade advantage?

New Madame C.J. Walkers?

Isn't it bad enough that the once proud Black hair care industry is no longer run by us? Hair used to be one of the few industries that was controlled by us, dating back to the early 20th centuries with Madame C.J. Walker.

White folks didn't care about our hair -- we did -- and always have. Pioneers like Walker and others invented things like the pressing comb for our hair care maintenance. Today, Dudley's is one of the few large Black owned hair care manufacturers. Others sold off to majority interests in the 70s, 80s and 90s to large conglomerates like L'Oreal. Many of the products you see on store shelves, despite names like "African Pride," etc., are just products owned by majority companies; they aren't Black-owned.

It's only been recently, with the explosion of natural hair care products by folks like Lisa Price of Carol's Daughter, Miko and Titi Branch, founder of Miss Jessie's products, Jane Carter and a bunch of others, that we've seen a small portion of the black hair care industry back in our hands.
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But that's not enough.

It's Not Enough To Just Wear the Weave/Wig

And when it comes to weave, you can just forget about it. The weave industry wouldn't be where it is today without African Americans. Sure, white girls are weaved up too, but we have very, very little stake in a product that we slap on our heads on the regular.

There's something wrong with that.

You have a few wig makers, Beverly Johnson, Patti LaBelle and Vivica Fox, with wig lines. But other than that, our control is very, very little.  It's time that we regain control of an industry that we use. It's time to fight with our dollars, purses and wallets.

Black Beauty Supply Stores Need Our Support

When you see a Black beauty supply store owner, support them. Yes, their prices will probably be higher. And there shelves may be a bit emptier. But you'll have the added benefit of knowing that your dollar is probably going to travel further in your community than to just simply walk out of it with no added benefit.

And, if you have a large hair purchase to make, please make it with people who look like us. I'm all for customer service. But you know that, in many cases, we don't get that when we go into Asian-owned stores. We get just the opposite -- followed around as if we are going to steal their products, little to no product advice, and no refunds or even exchanges many times.

Black beauty supply owners and businesses are struggling.

I'm all for capitalism, but unfair advantages -- shakedowns, product limitations and the like -- isn't fair business. It's not an equal playing field. The only way this will change is if we acknowledge it and move to change it.

Let's give Black beauty supply owners and Black hair care manufacturers a bit of the loyalty that we've given to others over the years -- many of whom don't deserve it.

Will Your Hair Regimen Change in the Winter?

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With temperatures cooling across much of the country, the challenge for some HairNistas becomes what products and regimens to implement during winter and fall.

Many times, the regimens and products you'll use during the cooler weather will depend on where you live.

I'm originally from Detroit. Let's just say that there's no way that I would go out in the freezing cold (I'm talking about temps that easily dip -10 below zero in January/February) with wet wash and go hair. My hair would freeze AND I'd probably get pneumonia LOL!

There, the challenge is totally different -- protecting your hair from the freezing cold and from the wool beanies and wool coats that can wreak havoc on your ends.

But, since I live in Atlanta, I can wear that very same hairstyle without any problem, due to the much milder winters. Other than maybe using a thicker oil, such as castor oil, my products won't change. I pretty much always use the same leave -ins (Herbal Essence Hello Hydration) no matter the temperature. And, I'll probably continue using glycerin.

Many naturals avoid glycerin and gels during the winter, but I've never seen any reason to stop.

Not sure if my styling options will change. Still plan to wig it and I'll probably wear my hair flat ironed.

How will your regimen, styling or products change this winter?

HairSpirations

There are many naturals whose hair I admire.

Usually, it's of the fluffy, thick variety, with banging and defined twisouts/braidouts/fros.

Many times, I love their hair because it's a look that my hair hasn't quite been able to accomplish yet; I'm just really getting the hang of flat twists, or their hair is longer than mine or lusher (is that a word, lol)?

I call them hair idols. Yeah, I know my curls are unique and I won't ever rock their curls, but dammit, I sometimes want their hair, if only for a day.

Here are a few HairSpirations from NaturalHair.tumblr.com.

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J-Hud Looks Fab in Animal Print

Saw this on Essence.com and I just had to post: Oh. My. God.

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Ya'll know I love me some animal print. And when you combine this classic dress with animal print, I am done. Stab me with a fork -- D-O-N-E.

I think J-Hud looks great in this dress. And I love the twst in the front. It's absolutely gorge. You can rock this now or 20 years from now, because it is classic with a capital "C." Don't know who the designer is, but I'm off to find my version of it!

Hot or Not?

I don't usually feature celebs on this blog because, quite frankly, they pay stylists to make them look good.

The rest of us (read: non-celebs) don't have stylists and must manage our pennies and make our fashions look good without that $3,000 Berkie bag or that $2,000 pair of Loubies. Sometimes, though, I think a celeb looks uber hot. My challenge is usually to recreate the look to fit my budget.

R&B songstress Kelly Rowland is sporting a look that I simply love, as featured on FashionBombDaily.com.

Those Loubies are hot, and I love the harem leather pants. Don't know if I'd rock the sweater ($130), but it works for her.

Lately, I've pretty much loved everythang I've seen Rowland rock -- very sexy, glam and cosmo without trying too hard. I've seen very few outfits that she's worn that I wouldn't want to wear.

What do you think? Hot or not?



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Holiday Hair?

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The first week of November usually gets me in holiday mode.

After all, Thanksgiving will be here before you know it, then Christmas, and finally, New Year's.

Let's face it, sometimes family + natural hair don't mix.

Depending upon your family and how much you care about others' opinions, you've got to have some thick skin to wear natural hair. Some families, as long as your hair isn't unkept, could care less; generally, they'll only call you out if your hair is a HOT MESS -- and that's whether it's natural or relaxed.

Now, a HOT MESS can be very subjective, but you get my drift.

And then you have those "special" families who think that all curls, kinks, waves, naps or what have you must be beaten out of your hair; they're not happy until you do "something" with that, that hair. Soon, your hair and what you will do with it, becomes the topic of the discussion. And, don't let you have recently done  a big chop -- either you are sick with cancer or are crazy in the head for "cutting all that pretty hair off" because you dared to rock a short style.

Families are special. And special families need to get told from time to time. Sorry. If you aren't asking your Momma/Daddy for money to get your hair done, no matter how much you love them, they really can't tell you what to do with your hair. They may have given you the hair you were blessed with, but that's it.

Really, if you are grown, how you decide to wear your hair is your business. Who cares what anyone else thinks, as long as you are happy with your hair. Put your big girl panties on, rock that TWA, braidout/twistout/fro/natural style of your choice and keep it movin'!

Will your natural hair be the topic of discussion or snide remarks at the holiday table? If so, how will you deal with it? Would you avoid a family function because of how you wear your hair?

The Hair Goes On ...

After a few weeks of wearing the La Jay wig, I'm back to wearing, *drum roll, please* my own hair.

No particular reason, just wanted a change. That, and I missed the feel of my own hair. The reactions to my wig have been great. Got lots of, "I like your hair," "awesome hair," and "love your hair like that," but it still took some getting used to.

My hair was so "big" that a lot of times, it would get stuck in branches and other stuff because since it wasn't my hair, I don't think I really knew how big it was. Was almost like it was another object slapped on top of my head. One day last week on a crowded elevator a white dude said, "Wow, that is some hair!" Wasn't sure what the hell he meant by that, but I took it as a compliment and said, "Yes, it is, thank you! and kept it moving.

Meh.

Went clubbin' with the hubs to celebrate our 16th anniversary and he told me the next morning that I kept hitting him all night with my hair, LOL! Girls were laughing at us, but I was having a good time and didn't notice, nor did I care.

Today, I did a new wash-and-go technique and I'm proud to say I achieved 2nd day hair for, like, the first time EVA!

Here's what I did:

1. Co-washed with Herbal Essence Hydration
2. Sealed wet hair with Dax (yes, I said, Dax, HairNistas!)
3. Applied Eco Styler with Argan oil
4. At night, I put my hair in five or six stretchable hair bands and twisted with no product.
5. Fluffed the next morning

This is big for me, because I've never, ever had 2nd day wash and gos. The Dax made my hair super soft and moisturized, an idea I got after reading it on CurlyNikki.com. I've used Vaseline to seal before, but I'm heavy handed at times and my hair can look dull if I'm not careful and apply too much.

Overall, I like it. Seems like the Dax stretched my hair a bit and I got less shrinkage. This morning. doing my hair was easy. I put a little gel on my bang, since I like it curly, fluffed, and I was done in less than 5 minutes.

I've never used Dax on my hair, so I was a bit skeptical. As a kid, my grandmother always used Ultra Sheen and Bergamont grease. My favorite conditioner is Silicon Mix -- which is chock full of mineral oil. And it does wonders on my hair. I figure my hair will tell me if grease is bad -- despite the doomsday warnings about crispy, dry, crunch hair from those in the anti-grease movement.

The real test will be using it on my daughters' hair, because it's only been a few years since I completely stopped using grease on their hair, in favor of moisturizers. You know, I'm all all about doing me and doing what works for me.

So far, so good. Think I'll see how many days I can wear it like this.

Oh, and about the wig. I'll probably still wear it _- heck, I may put it on tomorrow if it's a bad hair day -- but I'll probably only wear it for a week or so at a time. I'm due for a trim, so I'll probably get it professionally straightened in the next week or so.

Am I the only one who's scared to let a stylist go near my hair? I don't have a regular stylist, and to be quite honest with you, the only person who I trust 100% with my strands is the woman who did my hair for 15 years, since I was 12, back at home in Detroit. Unfortunately, I lost touch with her and don't know if she's even still in the business.

If you're out there, Dorothy, I miss you. She labored with me through all my hair iterations -- relaxed, natural, damaged from relaxers, cried with me when I lost a good 4-5 inches of hair when I didn't detangle it and wore it in a gelled ponytail for months when my kids were babies, refused to cut all of my hair off when I wanted to wear it short, asked me what the hell I was doing when I tried to get the curly look by wearing Creme of Nature shampoo (don't ask, but I didn't know about co-washing in the early 1990s, LOL)... You get the idea.

You were a "natural" stylist before natural stylists were in.

Hairtroversy Part II: Autumn Responds




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 Natural hair blogs were on F-I-Y-A yesterday after Autumn, who is pregnant, wrote a blog about her husband threatening to leave because she wore her natural hair on CurlyNikki.com

*Slowly puts down the knife*

Today, Autumn responded. 

We all went hard for Autumn, because many of us know how it feels to be rejected because of our choice of hair or hairstyle. It can be a straight mess on YouTube, hair forums or blogs when it comes to Black women and our hair.

That's how we do.

I, like many others, commented on both posts. I still feel the same, as I expressed in this post about Autumn, her husband and his dislike of her natural hair styles. I have to give it to Autumn, though, she put herself out there. And she reacted much calmer than I probably would have.

I was a bit miffed by her reaction post-blog, especially about people who lambasted her husband -- and her. She got tons, and I do mean tons, of criticism. But you'd have to be Ray Charles to not see this coming. I don't know how all of this went over with her husband. For all we know, maybe their over this issue.

Or, it could backfire: Putting their convo about such a sensitive topic out there might make stir up the disagreement between her husband all over again. Ultimately, it doesn't matter what I, bloggers or other commenters think:  This is between her and her husband. It's their marriage.

I may not agree with all of Autumn's responses, but if she likes it, I love it. No one wants to see a marriage go down because of hair; that's why I think commenters and bloggers reacted so personally to her post. But, you can't castigate those of us who weigh in with our opinions when a blog is posted like this.

It's gonna be controversial -- for sure. So buckle up and get ready.

The post forced me to think a lot about authenticity. I give Autumn a lot of credit. It wasn't an anonymous post; it had her real name and picture. And, I'm happy to say, that she still has her marriage. I put my story out there yesterday, describing my husbands' hair style preference and how we deal with it.

And, it forced me to think how I would react if my husband threatened to leave me over my hair.

Maybe I'm idealistic, but I just hope that we can all get past hair.

Hairtroversy: What Would You Do if Your Man Threatened to Leave You Over Your Natural Hair?

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The natural hair community was in a tizzy on Tuesday about a post on CurlyNikki.com about a natural whose husband threatened divorce because his pregnant wife wore her natural hair.

Ruh-roh.

Mention natural hair, black women and black men in the same sentence -- heck, even the same paragraph -- and get ready to bring out yo' vaseline and snatch out your earrings. Bring the D-R-A-M-A and get ready for a fight! Like, getting beat to the white meat kind of fight!

Talk about somebody's hair and their man and it's almost like talking about your Momma. Those are fighting words.

I don't like to paraphrase, but here's what Autumn wrote:

"I don’t even know what to call this. But it happened – FOR REAL.


Background:
I’m married – 5+ years – to a wonderful husband and father. I’m pregnant – 5 months now – with my second child and I’m an emotional rollercoaster. I’ve been natural – almost 1 year – and, although it took some time for me to feel this way, I LOVE my curls.

The Drama:
My husband works from home and has watched our 2-yr old daughter from birth (SN: She has curls too and he washes and styles her hair very well during the week). About a month ago, he sent me a text at work saying we needed to talk when I got home. So, I come from work on my lunch break like I normally do. We decided to leave the house to run some errands. In the car, I asked him what he wanted to talk about. Then he said the six words that literally threw me into an immediate emotional breakdown: “WE NEED TO SPLIT UP.” Huh? What? Where is this coming from? Instant flood of tears and hyperventilating.


He never wanted me to go natural. He doesn’t like “nappy” hair. He likes straight hair. He felt that I had totally ignored his feelings by going natural in the first place, but the fact that I’ve stayed natural, despite his disdain, is even worse. It doesn’t matter that everyone else around us likes my hair. He is my husband and his opinion should matter most.


When he married me I had long, straight hair. He’s not attracted to me anymore because of my hair, and therefore he felt that the best solution was to split up, instead of being disgusted with the sight of me daily. But if I straighten my hair (it doesn’t have to be a relaxer), then everything will be ok and go back to normal. Blah, blah, blah. SN: Just the week before, his close friend’s wife chemically relaxed her hair after a year of being natural because she couldn’t stand the negative feedback from her husband.


Ok, ok, ok. He probably didn’t use those exact words. But I’m pregnant, so that’s what it sounded like. I emailed my boss from my phone and said I couldn’t come back to work for personal reasons. After running our errands, I dropped him and our daughter back off at the house and drove off to clear my mind. I won’t go into all the thoughts that led me to my next actions, but I will tell you what happened.


I LOVE THIS MAN. I CANNOT IMAGINE MY LIFE WITHOUT THIS MAN. I WILL NOT LOSE MY HUSBAND OVER HAIR. But I felt this was a deeper issue than hair, and I also felt that some information was missing from his little rant. So I went back home. I grabbed a pen and paper and went straight to our bedroom. I got in the bed under the covers and started writing. Right after I jotted down my last thought, he came in to check on me. He gave me a big hug, and waited for me to speak. Here’s what I wrote/said, and his answers.


I have more going for me than the hair on my head. YES YOU DO.

-I’m beautiful, intelligent, stylish, in shape, a good mother, I bring home bacon just like you, and I cook it too. YES I AGREE.


-I’m pregnant with your child, how dare you bring this to me right now. I FELT LIKE YOU WERE IGNORING HOW I FELT ABOUT YOUR HAIR.


-My hair is beautiful and *I* LOVE it, no matter what anyone else says. I KNOW.


-Our daughter’s hair is beautiful, are you going to request that she straighten her hair? NO, HER HAIR IS BEAUTIFUL.

-Is your friend’s wife a better woman than I am because she relaxed her hair for her husband to make HIM happy, even though she will be unhappy? YES, I FEEL THAT WAY. BUT SHE IS NOT MY WIFE AND I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER WOMAN.


-Are you willing to give up our love, sex, family, home, future plans… all because of my hair?! NO, NEVER.


My response was: Then I cannot, WILL NOT get a chemical relaxer. So what is your REAL problem?


His response was: Well, it’s just that all the “different” styles you have been doing have been “nappy” styles. Can you please do some straight styles, and do them more often?


Of course! Why didn’t you say that in the first place boy?!

Ever since then, we’ve been back in love like usual. He touches my “nappy” hair and tells me I’m beautiful. And I still haven’t done a straight style yet, although I do plan to keep my promise – to prevent another childish rant.

Conclusion:
Turns out, he just did a really horrible job of expressing his feelings. And I did a really horrible job of acknowledging his feelings. We will not lose our love, our marriage, our life together… OVER HAIR."

CurlyNikki.com lit up! Many people who commented were single, but there were quite a few marrieds who commented -- including myself. Now, here's my story: Married 16 years, natural 95% of the time. My husband prefers straight hair over my curly hair.

There, I said it.

Is that enough to make him leave me? No, because he knows that it's my hair. For years, I was a pressed natural. Today, I wear curls 80% of the time (lately, I've been straightening once a month and wearing it that way for about a week.)

Like anything in our marriage, we compromise. I like wearing straight hair from time to time because wearing my curly hair tends to make it knot and tangled. Plus, I like to switch it up, I get bored easily, and I like to do length checks.

My husband supports me in my hair goals, even knows a little bit of the lingo, and will buy products for me if I ask him. My hair is just one part of me; not the entire part. My husband tells me I'm beautiful many times throughout the day.

Does he have hair issues? Yeah, but we all have at some point.

Is it something that we're working on in our relationship? Yes.

But we compromise. Sometimes I wear my hair straight, curly, in braidouts and twist outs.

Bottom line: I would have showed him the door if he threatened to leave me over hair, while I was pregnant, or at any other time.  I've got three kids and let me tell you, he might have gotten cut if he said that mess while I was pregnant -- and he knows it! Your hormones are so topsy turvy when you are pregnant. That's a convo that needs to take place at another time.

If there's one thing I know about being married, it's that things don't always stay the same. Husbands and wives gain weight, change their appearance. Men go bald, have thinning hair. Funny enough, I've hardly ever heard, even anecdotally, about a woman leaving her husband over bald/thinning hair.

Preferring natural hair doesn't have to be an issue, if the couple doesn't want it to be. If dude likes straight hair, there are many things you can do -- press/flat iron, straight wig/weave. I'm sorry, boo, but perming my hair is not one of them.

I do hope Autumn and her husband can work it out, for her marriage and her childrens' sake. I hope that his issue with her natural hair isn't an excuse for something else that he lacks in the marriage. Being married and black is, unfortunately, rare. Marriage is tough enough; why make hair an issue?

*Sigh*

Posts about Black men and natural hair (especially those who dislike it) tend to get ugly real quick. And I can see why: We want our Black men to like us, all of us, from the roots of our nappy, kinky, coily, curly and wavy hair to the soles our feet.

Sometimes that happens, sometimes it doesn't.  I just want to call a time out. Let's keep it 100 shall we?

We may like natural hair now, but there was a time when it was largely frowned upon. There were ZERO blogs, T-shirts, forums and jewelry expressing the love for what grows out of our scalps. Just as we have learned to accept our natural hair, we have to give men the same "pass," if you will.

Many of them were raised by Black women. The same issues their Mommas had about their hair, they probably have, too, just like we do. Unfortunately, straight hair is still the "norm" -- even though that "norm" is changing based on this blog and countless others like CurlyNikki.com, BlackGirlLongHairOnline.com and others.

Still, I've yet to see a man leave because his woman has a perm, hey, but stranger things may happen.

Natural hair on Black men is still probably one of the last hair "taboos." How many men do you see rocking loose natural hair? Locks, maybe. But, overall, not a whole lot of natural men, because they have yet to undergo their natural hair revolution. They still get the side eye if they rock fros.

I do think the male natural hair revolution is coming, though.  I just want us to get past this "issue," just like many of us have gotten past, and continue to fight, for natural hair acceptance among our family members and friends.

What about you? What would you do if your husband/man approached you this way? Would you leave your man over your natural hair?